5 Rules for Being Successfully Single

I’ve just finished a 5 day challenge over in my Facebook Group for How To Be Successfully Single and I LOVED IT.  Day 1 of the challenge was my first time going live and I was SO nervous but after that I just couldn’t wait for 8 pm to come every night to get back on camera.  Ok so I might still be a rookie at the Live thing but at least now I know there’s nothing to be scared of so I’ll definitely be doing more Lives in the future.

So, the challenge was a success and I had some amazing feedback from the girls in the group so I thought I would do a blog post of an overview of the challenge and all of the learnings from it.

First off, I want to tell you what the challenge is and why I did it.  As a lot of you may know, I’ve been on a bit of a crazy journey over the last year with discovering coaching and I got started in business coaching – which I still love – but I wanted to help women be the best versions of themselves and chase their dreams.  I wanted to help women BE INDEPENDENT.  So I come up with a new coaching course called How To Be Successfully Single.  My friend told me to do a 5 day challenge and I’d already mapped it all out but as I mentioned earlier I’d never gone live on Facebook and I hated doing my last video challenge all around branding so I was so scared.  I was taking a break from my business because I was feeling so stressed out about what my next move was and I just felt like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore (I know a lot of entrepreneurs can relate).  While I was taking my break everyone around me was going through break ups, 5 people in my family were all going through break ups, I would log on to Facebook and see statuses about women and young girls going through it and I’d just been through something similar myself.  It was like the universe didn’t want me to take that break.  I had something that could help people so what was I waiting for?

So randomly I put out a post in a few Facebook groups about the challenge, not really expecting much of a response, then it BLEW UP.  I had so many girls messaging me to tell me what an amazing idea it was and that they couldn’t wait for the challenge.  So then I knew I had to do it, I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and go for it.  And that is how the challenge come about.  If you look for the signs they’re always there.

So each day I went live on Facebook and talked about a new topic each day and these are the big take aways from the challenge:

1. Raise Your Standards

Raising your standards doesn’t mean to have high standards – in fact it’s the complete opposite.  Raising your standards means that you take full responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviours and your life.  When you raise your standards it’s about expecting more from yourself, it’s about learning to put yourself first and to not blame others.  It’s about realising that you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, and they’re not responsible for yours.  If you have high standards you’re expecting too much from people and you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed – you’re giving away your power.  Take it back by thinking about all the ways you want to be better and all the things you will no longer accept and RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.

2. Know Your Worth

Once you raise you standards you’ll already begin to feel more worthy – more worthy of success, more worthy of love and more worthy of wealth.  You’ll begin to show up for these things that you want and feel more confident to make them happen.  But knowing your worth goes a lot deeper than that, it’s about getting clear on what you value and what your values are.  What you value are the things that are important to you such as your health, your family, your career and business or whatever else it could be.  Then your values are who you are, they’re what drive your behaviours and they’re essentially what we build good relationships on.  If we have similar values to another then we will most likely build an amazing relationship with them because they’ll be on the same path as us as opposed to someone who ‘just doesn’t get it’.  It’s not that they don’t get it they just have different values than us and these relationships (no matter how much we try) always leave room for disconnect further down the line.  But once you recognise your values you’ll be able to spot if your values align with someone else a lot earlier in relationships and you’ll know if you’re on the same path.

3. Get a Life

Being single is not a bad thing, in fact it’s an opportunity for growth and to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.  A lot of the time it’s easier to say ‘I want to go to Italy but I want to wait till I’m in a relationship’.  I don’t know why we do this but we do, I get that it will be nice to visit the places you want to visit with someone special but what’s stopping you from going now.  It’s not just with holidays it could be with days out or hobbies and interests too.  In the challenge I set the girls a challenge to pick one recurring hobby or interest that they’ve been wanting to do and pick one night of the week and DO IT (including me – I’m going to meditation classes on a Thursday evening) and I set one bigger goal of choosing something like a holiday or a day out and setting a date for it.  So STOP WAITING and GO FOR IT.  Live the life you want to live RIGHT NOW!

4. Be Independent

I think it’s so important as a millennial woman to be independent – even if you’re in a relationship (in fact even more so if you’re in a relationship).  Call me a cynic if you wish but I don’t think we should rely on men, especially when it comes to being able to provide for ourselves.  Of course, it’s ok to let them spoil you but at the end of the day you want to know that if the relationship took a turn for the worst you can still maintain yourself.  So, as a woman I think it’s so important to have your own career or your own business, to do the things that you want to do.  It’s not all about money – as women we naturally put other’s needs first, especially mens, we like to feed their egos – and a lot of the time having our own careers or business can intimidate men and we think it’s easier to give it all up to make them happy.  DON’T! Like I said before if it all goes wrong you want to be able to maintain yourself but you also don’t want to regret giving up your career or slowing down just because it made him feel better for a second (and I guarantee if you’ve ever done that then a few days later he’s found something else to be insecure about).  Focus on you, chase your dreams and your goals and don’t give it up for any man (I don’t care how rich or gorgeous he is) because at the end of the day you’re the one who will be left with your regrets, not him.

5. Love Yourself First

You might see a recurring theme by now, to always put yourself first.  That’s not being selfish, in facet it’s the opposite, putting yourself first means you’re always working on being the best you and when you’re your best you you have so much more to give others.  But it goes a lot deeper than values, hobbies and careers.  You want to be working on your mindset daily so you should try come up with a daily Self Love routine (I talk about this a lot in the challenge and go through what I do on a daily basis – if you’d like to watch you can join the #GRLPWR Facebook group).  You also want to feel your best and I find that I feel my best when I’m going to the gym and working out, eating healthier and have my beauty routine (facemarks, hair, nails, lashes etc.

It’s not to late to join in with the challenge, all of the videos for the How To Be Successfully Single challenge are in the group ready for you to watch.  You can join the #GRLPWR group by clicking here.

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