5 Rules for Being Successfully Single

I’ve just finished a 5 day challenge over in my Facebook Group for How To Be Successfully Single and I LOVED IT.  Day 1 of the challenge was my first time going live and I was SO nervous but after that I just couldn’t wait for 8 pm to come every night to get back on camera.  Ok so I might still be a rookie at the Live thing but at least now I know there’s nothing to be scared of so I’ll definitely be doing more Lives in the future.

So, the challenge was a success and I had some amazing feedback from the girls in the group so I thought I would do a blog post of an overview of the challenge and all of the learnings from it.

First off, I want to tell you what the challenge is and why I did it.  As a lot of you may know, I’ve been on a bit of a crazy journey over the last year with discovering coaching and I got started in business coaching – which I still love – but I wanted to help women be the best versions of themselves and chase their dreams.  I wanted to help women BE INDEPENDENT.  So I come up with a new coaching course called How To Be Successfully Single.  My friend told me to do a 5 day challenge and I’d already mapped it all out but as I mentioned earlier I’d never gone live on Facebook and I hated doing my last video challenge all around branding so I was so scared.  I was taking a break from my business because I was feeling so stressed out about what my next move was and I just felt like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore (I know a lot of entrepreneurs can relate).  While I was taking my break everyone around me was going through break ups, 5 people in my family were all going through break ups, I would log on to Facebook and see statuses about women and young girls going through it and I’d just been through something similar myself.  It was like the universe didn’t want me to take that break.  I had something that could help people so what was I waiting for?

So randomly I put out a post in a few Facebook groups about the challenge, not really expecting much of a response, then it BLEW UP.  I had so many girls messaging me to tell me what an amazing idea it was and that they couldn’t wait for the challenge.  So then I knew I had to do it, I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and go for it.  And that is how the challenge come about.  If you look for the signs they’re always there.

So each day I went live on Facebook and talked about a new topic each day and these are the big take aways from the challenge:

1. Raise Your Standards

Raising your standards doesn’t mean to have high standards – in fact it’s the complete opposite.  Raising your standards means that you take full responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviours and your life.  When you raise your standards it’s about expecting more from yourself, it’s about learning to put yourself first and to not blame others.  It’s about realising that you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, and they’re not responsible for yours.  If you have high standards you’re expecting too much from people and you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed – you’re giving away your power.  Take it back by thinking about all the ways you want to be better and all the things you will no longer accept and RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.

2. Know Your Worth

Once you raise you standards you’ll already begin to feel more worthy – more worthy of success, more worthy of love and more worthy of wealth.  You’ll begin to show up for these things that you want and feel more confident to make them happen.  But knowing your worth goes a lot deeper than that, it’s about getting clear on what you value and what your values are.  What you value are the things that are important to you such as your health, your family, your career and business or whatever else it could be.  Then your values are who you are, they’re what drive your behaviours and they’re essentially what we build good relationships on.  If we have similar values to another then we will most likely build an amazing relationship with them because they’ll be on the same path as us as opposed to someone who ‘just doesn’t get it’.  It’s not that they don’t get it they just have different values than us and these relationships (no matter how much we try) always leave room for disconnect further down the line.  But once you recognise your values you’ll be able to spot if your values align with someone else a lot earlier in relationships and you’ll know if you’re on the same path.

3. Get a Life

Being single is not a bad thing, in fact it’s an opportunity for growth and to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.  A lot of the time it’s easier to say ‘I want to go to Italy but I want to wait till I’m in a relationship’.  I don’t know why we do this but we do, I get that it will be nice to visit the places you want to visit with someone special but what’s stopping you from going now.  It’s not just with holidays it could be with days out or hobbies and interests too.  In the challenge I set the girls a challenge to pick one recurring hobby or interest that they’ve been wanting to do and pick one night of the week and DO IT (including me – I’m going to meditation classes on a Thursday evening) and I set one bigger goal of choosing something like a holiday or a day out and setting a date for it.  So STOP WAITING and GO FOR IT.  Live the life you want to live RIGHT NOW!

4. Be Independent

I think it’s so important as a millennial woman to be independent – even if you’re in a relationship (in fact even more so if you’re in a relationship).  Call me a cynic if you wish but I don’t think we should rely on men, especially when it comes to being able to provide for ourselves.  Of course, it’s ok to let them spoil you but at the end of the day you want to know that if the relationship took a turn for the worst you can still maintain yourself.  So, as a woman I think it’s so important to have your own career or your own business, to do the things that you want to do.  It’s not all about money – as women we naturally put other’s needs first, especially mens, we like to feed their egos – and a lot of the time having our own careers or business can intimidate men and we think it’s easier to give it all up to make them happy.  DON’T! Like I said before if it all goes wrong you want to be able to maintain yourself but you also don’t want to regret giving up your career or slowing down just because it made him feel better for a second (and I guarantee if you’ve ever done that then a few days later he’s found something else to be insecure about).  Focus on you, chase your dreams and your goals and don’t give it up for any man (I don’t care how rich or gorgeous he is) because at the end of the day you’re the one who will be left with your regrets, not him.

5. Love Yourself First

You might see a recurring theme by now, to always put yourself first.  That’s not being selfish, in facet it’s the opposite, putting yourself first means you’re always working on being the best you and when you’re your best you you have so much more to give others.  But it goes a lot deeper than values, hobbies and careers.  You want to be working on your mindset daily so you should try come up with a daily Self Love routine (I talk about this a lot in the challenge and go through what I do on a daily basis – if you’d like to watch you can join the #GRLPWR Facebook group).  You also want to feel your best and I find that I feel my best when I’m going to the gym and working out, eating healthier and have my beauty routine (facemarks, hair, nails, lashes etc.

It’s not to late to join in with the challenge, all of the videos for the How To Be Successfully Single challenge are in the group ready for you to watch.  You can join the #GRLPWR group by clicking here.

5 Signs Your Brand Needs a Makeover

Your brand isn’t just about your logo or you colour palette.  It’s about so much more than that.  Your brand is a reflection of you.  It’s in every word you speak, it’s in all of your copy on your website, newsletters, and social media.  It’s your products and services, it’s the message you put out there about your business, it’s your business values and it’s your culture.

Your brand is what your customers and clients relate to, it’s what keeps them coming back and wanting more.  Your brand should create emotion and a connection to your business which is why people will love it.  Yes of course, the aesthetics is what will catch people’s attention at first but to keep their attention your brand must be strong.

So let me ask you this – when you think of your brand what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?  If your answer is related to any of the following then it might be time for a branding makeover.

1. You’re ashamed of your website

An amazing opportunity has come your way and you’re required to give someone who is really important the link to your website and you’re dying inside.  I’ve been here before and I know how that feels.  Your website is your most important asset when it comes to winning huge opportunities and business deals.  It’s your virtual front window display, it’s what draws people in and it should give them just enough to want to come in, say ‘Hi’ and do business with you.  If you’re ashamed of any part of your website – the aesthetics, the layout or your copy, then it might be time for a website makeover.

2. You can’t answer the question ‘Why do you do what you do?’

This should be the core of everything you do in your business.  It’s your key message and you should repeat it and repeat it and repeat it.  But how can you do that if you don’t know why you do what you do?  People buy from people because they agree with what they stand for.  I do what I do because I want to help bring people in the beauty industry together and help them build not only amazing businesses but amazing brands too.  If you go on my website, my Facebook page or my Instagram you’ll see this message everywhere.  It’s at the core of everything I do and everything I post and it’s even the reason I’m writing this post today.  So ask yourself, ‘Why do you do what you do?’ and write it down.  Then get your message across in every way you can.  It doesn’t have to be written in those exact words every single time but when you’re creating something for your business or even posting something on social media just ask yourself ‘Does this align with my core message?’ and if it does then it will shine through without even saying the words.

3. Your employees/clients/customers don’t know what your business stands for

Every brand should have values and everyone who is a part of the brand should know what they are.  If they don’t then you can’t expect them to work to your standard, whether they’re employees, clients, a business partner or even someone you are collaborating with.  Your values are your culture and they’re how you ensure that your employees work to a certain standard but they are also how you ensure that you work with and attract the right clients and customers.  Your values set your standards for you employees and your customers so everyone knows what is expected of them.  They’re part of your brand as they will create an emotional connection to your clients and customers.  If someone holds the same values as you then they will feel like they are valued as a client or customer.

4. You’re not consistent on social media

A lot of people post on social media to either gain likes or advertise and sell.  What you should be doing is using social media to build your tribe.  You want to use your brand to build a community and social media is where you go to do that.  So you’ve got the attention of your clients and customers but they want more, they want to be able to see what’s going on when they’re not buying something from you and they want to know where to go to do this.  Choose one social media platform and use it to build your brand.  You should post on it consistently and don’t make it all about you or your business, make it about your followers.  Ask them questions to get them involved, repost an article that you think they might be interested in, post quotes, run competitions and only put out promotional posts every now and then.  There’s nothing worse when you follow an Instagram account and they constantly promote their business.  People go on social media to be entertained so entertain and do it consistently.

5. You’re not sure who your target market is

Not knowing your target market is the number one brand killer I’ve come across.  Building a brand is all about connecting with your audience and leaving them wanting more.  How can you do this if you don’t even know who you’re targeting?  I know I’m targeting people in the beauty industry so I write all of my blog posts and social media posts to target that audience.  I’ve created my aesthetics to attract the right audience and knowing who I’m targeting frees me up to just be me and not have to think too hard about what I’m saying because I know exactly who I’m talking to.  If you’re not sure who you’re target market is then it’s going to be difficult to build a brand.  So getting clear on who you’re targeting is the key to building a successful brand.  I know a lot of people might think that they are then eliminating so many people but trust me on this, it just gets messy if you don’t have a specific target market.  So write down some traits that your target market may have and start from there.  You might want to think about their age, gender, where they live and what they’re interested in.

If you think your brand needs a makeover then keep a look out for my Brand New You course launching soon or if you have any questions about branding then feel free to drop me a message and I’ll be happy to help.

Chelsi x

Launching The Beauty Boss

I have been studying business and coaching for a while now and I wanted to combine my passion for business coaching with my passion for beauty, hair and makeup and help people in the industry create amazingly successful businesses.

Having some friends in the beauty industry and by paying close attention to how salons operate I started to notice some gaps in the industry which is how the idea of The Beauty Boss was created.

The Beauty Boss is designed to bring people in the beauty industry (you) together and form a community within the industry where you can all help and support each other through your business ventures. It is a platform where Beauty Bosses from around the globe can receive marketing and business advice, ask questions and have the opportunity to be featured in my Beauty Boss of the Month post. The Beauty Boss also provides resources such as one on one or group coaching, e-courses, webinar training and workbooks to help you take your business to the next level. To get you started you can sign up to our free Insta Famous workbook by Subscribing to my mailing list via the pop up form on this site.

A lot of salon owners and freelancers set up a business because they are good at what they do, they are good at beauty, hair and makeup. They love what they do and they are good at it and that’s why people go to them. But they’re not business people so when it comes to building a brand and marketing their businesses they’re probably doing things by trial and error (let’s face it, most of us are) and maybe don’t think much into the marketing strategies that they use, which is ok too, because if it works and gets people through the door then keep doing it.

But wouldn’t it be amazing if you had the tools at your disposal to create an amazing brand online and offline, create the business of your dreams, attract dream clients to your salon where they can’t wait to visit because of the culture you have created and have marketing campaigns and strategies that form a waiting list longer than your arm? The Beauty Boss can offer all of this to you and so much more.

The Beauty Boss isn’t just about business advice, it’s about community and networking with other Beauty Bosses. There’s so much competition in the industry which can sometimes be a good thing because it means that there’s definitely a market for what you’re offering but I have noticed that salons don’t like to help other salons out because they feel that they will lose the client. This isn’t true, if a client wants to leave and go somewhere else they will do this regardless and I’m guessing the reason they leave won’t be because you recommend another salon, because let’s be honest, there aren’t many reasons you would be recommending another salon in the first place. Either 1. You don’t offer the treatment the client has asked for in your salon, so you wouldn’t be losing any business here because you didn’t have it to offer to the client in the first place. Or 2. You can’t accommodate to the client’s requested appointment time, again you wouldn’t be receiving their business anyway because they will go elsewhere to find an appointment that suits them. Either way you aren’t getting the client’s business and the client is more likely to come back to you if you do recommend someone else because they will sense a feeling of community. The Beauty Boss’ main aim is to bring Beauty Bosses together because I believe that opportunities open up when you work together and help each other out, whether that be recommending a client to another salon or sharing tips and product advice that other salons might want to know about.

This is why I have created a Facebook Group for Beauty Bosses called The Beauty Boss Retreat that you can join for free. Here we talk everything business and beauty and I will be sharing some great business tips and answering any questions you may have about creating a successful business. So come and join us and be one of our Beauty Bosses by clicking this link.

There are so many people out there doing what you do it’s no longer enough to just do your day job to the best of your ability. People are no longer satisfied with amazing hair and perfect eyebrows, they want to feel like they know you and feel like they’re a member of your tribe. They want to feel welcomed and comfortable when they enter your salon as well as receive the best treatments and service available. They want to be able to follow your story online so when they come into the salon they feel like they know what’s been happening. I want to help you created the business of your dreams and attract your dream clients. All you have to do is join us on Facebook. I can’t wait to connect with you there and hear your story.

Chelsi x

How To Get Your Creativity Back

If you are like me and love to be learning constantly then chances are you follow a lot of people in your field on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  You probably sign up to get access to their free workbooks and you are probably a member of A LOT of Facebook groups.  You might subscribe to a lot of podcasts and follow a lot of blogs because you are scared to miss out on that vital piece of information that could just be a game changer.

There is so much information coming at you and you read and listen to it all but then you find that you just don’t know where to start when it comes to putting it into practice.  You feel paralysed because you are always comparing your work to others or think that you should be doing something just because other people are doing it.  You’ve lost your creative spark and when it comes to creating something for your own business you just don’t sound like ‘you’ anymore because you’re trying too hard.  I get it and I’ve recently been there and found a way to cut through the BS and the noise.

I was in so many Facebook groups and subscribed to too many podcasts that I was getting mixed messages.  Then, ironically I was listening to a podcast and the subject was when you lose your way and compare yourself to what others are doing and pay too much attention to what ‘experts’ say you ‘should’ be doing.  When we are first starting out it’s great that we have so much information at our fingertips because it can speed up the process for us and help us with things that we don’t have the knowledge of.  But once we learn the basics and we are set up and ready to go sometimes all of the noise can be counterproductive.  The podcast that I was listening to was Mind Body Musings by Maddy Moon – Mark Manson: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.  Maddy said that she unfollowed all of the people that weren’t providing her value but also making her feel like she ‘should’ be doing certain things to be successful and doesn’t pay attention to them any more.  She has a few people that she follows but keeps it to a minimum which clears up space in her mind to let her own ideas flow in.

This really resonated with me because I was feeling so stuck at the time.  It would come to Sunday and I would dread writing my blog posts because they just seemed like so much work when they used to just flow so easily.  I used to be excited to put a new post out there because I wanted to share my ideas but I found that I was starting to write about things that I thought I should be writing about rather than what I wanted to write about.  As a lot of you already know when I started out on my entrepreneurial journey I wanted to be a coach.  I was so passionate and excited about it and had so many ideas that would come to me so easily.  I had my voice and I knew what I stood for so writing about it was so easy and it felt right.  Then I decided to go into Social Media because it was suggested to me that it would make a better business and people would pay for it and I listened.  I went into Social Media because I thought I could sell it a lot easier but I lost my voice.  I no longer knew what my business stood for.  All of my values and my mission no longer aligned with my business and this blew out my creative spark.

I knew it wasn’t permanent as I always had plans to get back to my coaching business so I tried to stick it out but sometimes that made things worse because I was sending out mixed messages.  As a result of this I kept signing up to more and more programs, free workbooks and podcasts trying to find the answers to make my Social Media business work.

The when I listened to Maddy’s podcast it all clicked for me.  I was going about it the complete wrong way.  I wasn’t being true to myself, I was listening to what everyone else was saying I should do and I was chasing my tail trying to figure it out.  But it was simple.  Just stop listening to everyone else and be true to myself.  Stop comparing myself and what I’m doing to what other people are doing.  So that night I went home and had a virtual clear out.  I’m now only subscribed to a handful of podcasts: Being Boss – I love Kathleen and Emily, it’s like they talk my language and if I want a business boost I will listen to them, The Life Coach School – I listen to this podcast when I want cheering up, when I’m going through a hard time and to learn more about coaching.  Brook Castillo is amazing and I have learned so many mind blowing concepts from her.  She also has another great podcast called How To Be A Life Coach which is great for learning about the business side and setting up as a Life Coach.  I also write about Brooke in My Top 3 Coaches, Ladies Who Lunch – this is my nighttime podcast, Ingrid & Cat are so fun and I listen to this podcast when I get into bed to wind down.  And lastly, The Generation Why Podcast – I admit this one is a bit random but it’s a mystery and crime podcast.  Sometimes when I’m having a lazy day I will put this on or when I’m on a long car journey with my mum we like to listen to this.  So I only listen to two podcasts for business purposes, Being Boss and The Life Coach School, as I have found that these are the two that are most beneficial to me at the moment and it means that I can really take what I learn from them and put it into practice.  I know that most people wouldn’t consider The Life Coach School as a business podcast but it really helps with mindset which is really important for any entrepreneur.

I also unsubscribed from any email newsletters that I never open and kept this to minimum of 5-6 that I know I find useful and get excited to read.  I left a lot of Facebook groups or muted the ones that I might want to pop into every now and then and I unfollowed a lot of Facebook pages too.  I no longer pay attention to what others are doing and just concentrate on what I want to be doing.

After doing all this I felt like I had some room to think for myself again.  For the first time in a long time I wrote a blog post that felt authentic and I didn’t have to think too much about what to write.  My ideas started flowing in again and an old idea that I had a few months ago crept back in which I am now working on and so excited for so keep a look out for another post coming later through the week about what it is.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed right now and can’t hear yourself think just take a step back and have a virtual clear out.  Stop paying attention to what people are saying you ‘should’ do and just do what feels right for you.  The greatest ideas didn’t come from those who followed what other people said they should be doing.

Chelsi x

The Day Job, The Side Hustle & The Pain

Lately I lost my way a little. Some of you may not know I have a condition called Beals Syndrome, it’s a very rare condition to which I even fully don’t understand and I was born with it but it affects everyone differently. I won’t go into the details because I don’t want to bore you by giving you a medical lecture but the way it affects me the most is that I get severe pain in both of my legs, I have good phases and bad phases and the last few months have been a bad phase for me with it reaching breaking point over the last month.

I’m the type of person who thrives from structure. I like routine and anyone who knows me knows how ambitious I am, they also know that I love what I do and I always need to be working on something. I like going to my day job and I love being around the people I work with, I love coming home and working on my business and stealing every minute I can to work on it. I love seeing my friends, spending time with my family and walking my little dog (he’s a shih tzu called Soulja). I’ve always been the type of person who will just get on with it, no matter how much pain I might be in. Really, I like to think I’m Superwoman but even Superwoman gets tired sometimes and needs a break. 

The pain has gotten so bad and the last few weeks I gave into it. I hung up the red cape and felt sorry for myself. I couldn’t do anything and could only think about sleeping and taking medication to ease the pain. So I was signed off from work for a few weeks, I wasn’t doing any work to grow my business and I wasn’t going out with my friends. I just lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself watching Scandal wishing I could be more like Olivia Pope.

The longer I stayed there the more I realised I needed to get back to normality. I needed that structure again, let’s be honest whether I sit at home watching Scandal or I get back to my life the pain is going to be there no matter what and I was bored of feeling sorry for myself and the more I scrolled through Facebook and Instagram seeing my friends from work having drinks or people making big breaks in their business the worse I felt. I was losing all motivation and usually I have so many ideas floating around my mind but I had none, my creativity spark was out. So I had a choice- get back to it, forget what other people are doing and start doing what I know I need to do again or stay there and feel even more sorry for myself. Obviously I was never going to choose the latter, that’s not who I am. I’ve dealt with pain before, it’s just the same feeling but a little bit worse, it’s nothing I can’t handle.

So I went back to my day job and I had an amazing day and probably the worst day at the same time. It was the worst day as in the worst my pain has been over this period but it was an amazing day for that exact reason. Why? Because I got through it, I went to work and I was in pain, I couldn’t take any medication for the pain so I just got on with it. And instead of feeling sorry for myself I just got on with my work and the weirdest thing happened, I had so many ideas throughout the day for my business, more than I had in weeks. I’ve got my motivation back and all it took was the courage to say F*ck You to pain (that is the only time you will ever hear me swear).

So I admit I’m not Superwoman, I can’t do it all and it’s ok to give myself a break sometimes but I also know how important it is to get back up and get back to what I call normality. The little victories make you who you are.

Chelsi X

Raise Your Standards – The Secret To A Happy Life

So many people complain about what they don’t have and who they will never be, they look at other people and say “I wish I could be more like her” and “It’s not fair, she gets everything she wants” but what they fail to recognise is that they are who they are because they choose to be that way. What it comes down to is the standards they hold themselves to.

Now you might be reading this thinking that is not true, some people just have a hard life but I don’t buy that. People only have a hard life if they choose to think that they have a hard life and there is proof of that everywhere you look. Why is it that a child who grew up in poverty and had a really hard start in life can grow up to become really successful and really happy and a child who was born into wealth can end up homeless and on drugs and really depressed?

People will only ever succeed as far as their standards allow them to. So when someone looks at another person and says “I wish I could be like her” what they are really saying is they could never hold themselves to a standard to live the values that the other person lives to be the type of person they are. So they don’t even try. They are saying they could never hold themselves to a standard to work hard for the things they want. So they don’t even try. But why? Raising your standards doesn’t sound that hard, why wouldn’t you want to raise your standards and put yourself first? Why wouldn’t you want feel proud of the person you are and know that you won;t let yourself down because your standards won’t allow you to?

The answer is they don’t believe they are worthy and raising their standards means they won’t have an excuse for the mistakes they make. When you raise your standards you have to take full responsibility for any mistakes you make and a lot of people hate the thought of this. If they don’t raise their standards they can blame everyone else for they pain they feel, they get to feel like they’re not worthy, they get to blame other people for letting them down instead of taking responsibility for getting themselves into situations where they let themselves down.

But this is exactly why you should raise your standards. Think about the power you give yourself when you raise your standards. You take all of the power away from other people, they can’t hurt you without your permission because you know that if they do then you are responsible for your feelings and not them. You raise your game and work hard to be the best person you can be, for you and no one else. You love yourself. You value yourself. You work hard to achieve your goals. You make the decision that you will accept no less than what you are worth. You become who you have always wanted to be.

When you make the decision to raise your standards it might feel weird at first and you might feel like people don’t get it, especially those closest to you. This is the time it will be easiest to go back to your old ways but once you stick to it and don’t accept anything less than what you want then you will feel great and you will never allow yourself to accept anything less evert again.

So get a pen and some paper and start to write down all of the things you will no longer accept, all of the things you will no longer tolerate and who you aspires to becoming. Raise your standards and start living the life you deserve.

Chelsi x

Being Self Aware & Taking Responsibility for Your Feelings

I love coaching and I am working on my own business coaching program. I think everyone should hire a coach but in this post I want to help you get ahead of the game so when you do hire a coach you are already self aware and you already know the areas of you life you need coaching on. The first thing every coach will teach you is that every problem you have starts with you. So in this post I’m going to talk about ways you can become self aware and how you can take responsibility for your feelings.

Most of the time we create problems in our minds that really don’t exist. We create so much drama and noise and work ourselves up that we just feel so overwhelmed and just think ‘I can’t deal with this’. We never actually stop to think about the problem that we have created in our mind. When you catch yourself doing this just stop for a moment and take a breath and write a list of the thoughts you are having around your problem. Then go through the list and for each thought ask yourself this: Is this a thought – something that you have created in your mind, is it a fact – something that just is and no matter who looks at this they will come to the same conclusion, or is it a circumstance – something that has happened or is happening outside of your control.

To help with deciding if your thoughts are just thoughts, facts or circumstances I have a scenario that I like to use to help me, I call it the £100.00 problem. So you have £100.00 left in your bank to get you through the rest of the month – the fact is that there is £100.00 in your bank, no matter who looks at this situation that fact will never change, the circumstance is that you have £100.00 to last you for the rest of the month and the thought depends on the person who looks at it, it could either be “I have £100.00 to last me to the end of the month this is great.” or another person could look at this and think “I have £100.00 to last me the rest of the month this is terrible.”.

Your thoughts are what you say to yourself about the circumstance and your thoughts always determine how you feel. So next to each thought on your list write down one word of how you this thought makes you feel. If you can get to grips with where you are having negative thoughts then you can start to change this pattern which will in turn start to change how you feel about certain circumstances. This is a process and it takes a while to get used to, you should try to make it a habit, the more you do this the more self aware you will become and you will start to notice what thoughts could be holding you back and what thoughts make you feel a certain way. But doing this only when you have negative thoughts is not enough, you should try to notice the thoughts you have when you are feeling good because then you can store these in a positive thought bank to bring out when you’re not feeling too great. Once you can master your thoughts you can master your feelings and once you master your feelings you can master the actions you take.

Another thing we like to do is get so caught up about what other people think about us. Having these thoughts can hold you back in a big way because they can stop you from taking action just because you are worried about what other people think of you. I have always heard people saying that if someone has a thought about you its their problem and leave them to it. When I was younger I really struggled with this but Brooke Castillo put this in a way that just clicked with me. She taught me how to take responsibility for my feelings and once I got that I got why it wasn’t my problem if people don’t like me or like what I do. When you learn to take responsibility for your feelings you learn that people can’t make you feel a certain way, it’s your thoughts about that person that make you feel a certain way, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with your thought about them. The same goes for how other people feel about you, it’s not your responsibility to make them think or feel a certain way about you, it’s theirs and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

I took my younger brother to McDonalds the other day and we went through the drive through. I ordered his meal being the polite person I always am and the girl wasn’t very nice back to me, you could tell she really didn’t want to be in work. As we drove to the next window my brother, who is 14, said to me “Why are you so nice to people who aren’t nice back?” and I said to him “because if I respond and not be so nice back then it puts the other person in a worse mood and I then go off and it puts me in a bad mood too, and that bad mood would have nothing to do with the girl not being polite back to me but it would be my fault for being not nice back to her, then I’m the one left in a bad mood.” And he looked at me and said “I’ve never thought about it like that, that makes sense but I still get angry all the time so I don’t think I could do that” so I said “next time you feel yourself getting angry with someone just remember that you’re going to be the one in a bad mood and feeling angry while they’ll probably go off and won’t give it a second thought.” He is a typical moody teenager but since then I have noticed a bit of a change in him, he hasn’t been so quick to react.

So when you have negative thoughts about someone or you don’t like someone just remember that it’s only hurting you, it has nothing to do with them and the same goes for people who might not like you very much too. You always have a choice to change how you feel about someone or a situation. Just take it through the thought/circumstance exercise above if you are struggling with it then this might help you figure out what is causing you to feel a certain way about someone. And just remember not to get worked up about what other think about you, at the end of the day they are the ones stuck with them thoughts, not you. They can’t stop you being you and doing what you do.

Chelsi x